We’ve all been there haven’t we? Whether it is tutting furiously as someone jumps a queue, seeing a boiled kettle as the answer to all of life’s problems or mistaking a last orders bell for the 100-meters starting pistol, all us Brits know that we are a curious bunch with little foibles that confuse and astonish the rest of the world.
So with that, here are 17 commandments that all Brits must live by. Have a look and see how many you adhere to. Here’s a hint, it should be all of them!
- Thou shalt remove any spider with a pint glass and a thin item underneath
I really envy those who aren’t afraid of spiders. It doesn’t make sense when you think about it; a human to a spider is like us looking at Godzilla. Would Godzilla be afraid of us? Of course not, he wouldn’t even know we were there. Besides, he would be far too busy fighting Mothra or Rodan. Some scientists say that the reason we are afraid of insects and spiders naturally is because it is evolution’s way of keeping us away from animals that could be poisonous.
- Thou shalt expect to win every international tournament with nothing but the spirit of 1966
We England fans really must be the laughing stock of the world. It was understandable maybe a decade ago when we actually had a world-beating team. But now? We should all know better by now. Especially after that game against Iceland. Let’s face it, in Euro 2004, if Wayne Rooney had not have gotten injured we could have won that tournament and if we had beaten Brazil in 2002 we would have definitely won that tournament. But as Nathan Arizona says, if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their asses hopping.
- Thou shalt not speak to another human being on public transport. Not ever.
Could you imagine anything worse? There is literally nothing worse in the world than getting on a train and having someone sit next to you who wants to talk. Okay so maybe genocide is worse than that, but even so, it’s up there. If you have to sit next to a stranger on public transport, never, ever speak to them. And if they try and speak to you, give them the old ear-phone-off trick. That will give them the message. And if they still try and talk to you, contact the police immediately.