Image Credit: Salford VC’s Office

Upon receiving an honorary degree at Salford University:

“I don’t know what this doctor thing’s all about… I’m a bit buggered if I’m on a plane and they ask for a doctor.

“I don’t want to get up and start doing observations. Some bloke’s having a cardiac arrest in the aisle, and I’m there going ‘Have you ever noticed?'”

Peter was recently spotted filming in Salford

“So I went down the local supermarket, I said, ‘I want to make a complaint. This vinegar’s got lumps in it’.

“He said ‘Those are pickled onions'”

Peter Kay as Geraldine McQueen
Peter Kay as Geraldine McQueen

“You know Duffy, the Welsh songstress? These last three years I thought the poor cow was begging me for bird seed.

“Apparently it’s ‘mercy'”

“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me”

Peter Kay during his Tour in 2011
Peter Kay during his Tour in 2011

“If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?”

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