“A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food in here'”

No Pies Left In This Van Over Night

Car Share in Wigan: “No pies left in this vehicle overnight”

“You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks? you never used to get that. Rich Teas should be called One-Dips. But HobNobs are like marines.

“They’re like the blo*dy SAS of the biscuit world, Hobnobs. You dip a HobNob, it’s like ‘Again, again, dip me again. I’m going nowhere me, son, dip me! Is that all you’ve got, come on'”

“I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox”.

Peter Kay hosting at at The Brit Awards

“A Priest, a Rabbi and a Vicar walk into a bar.

“The barman says: ‘Is this some kind of joke’?”

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